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Consider The Whispers

Carolyn M. McCabe

abandon

May 25th, 2011 by Carolyn

Have you ever considered what the greatest word that Jesus spoke to his disciples is? Oswald Chambers would argue that it is “abandon.” I would like to argue the same.

Have you ever lived a moment in complete abandon to Christ? What does that look like?  First, the joy is almost incomprehensible. Second, the denied self is so much more alive than the self indulged. To deny myself is to allow Christ to live. Because Christ has conquered death, Hell and the grave, he is fully alive. I am fully alive in Christ and He is alive in me. Abandon is the act of throwing everything else aside and allowing the peace and love of Christ to be the focus of our very being. We are called to put Christ above everything else.

I will quote Mr. Oswald Chambers, for he says it most eloquently, “Have you ever noticed what Jesus said would choke the Word He puts in us? Is it the devil? No–”the cares of this world” (Matthew 13:22). It is always our little worries.” (My Utmost for His Highest, May 23). Oswald also stresses that “it is not only wrong to worry, it is unbelief.”

Unbelief? When I have worried, I have said to my dear savior, “I do not believe.” I have confessed I do not believe in his provision, his promise or his love when I worry. Now it is also wrong to be careless, but carelessness and worry are at two opposing extremes. Instead, putting Christ and my relationship with him first, above any “care of this world” will begin to distinguish the worry in life. I will not just let things happen, but instead I will live with Christ as the head of my body, mind and spirit. That way I can be intentional about living in all areas of life according to His good will and purpose, living in abandon to Christ.

 

 

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answering the call

April 21st, 2011 by Carolyn

Nehemiah 4:20 says, “Wherever you hear the trumpet sound, join us there. Our God will fight for us!”

God’s living Word never ceases to amaze me. I have read this verse so many times, I have even written and recited a monologue of it and yet it has touched my heart again. These last few weeks of school are stressful, I am hardly keeping afloat, and yet my God still demands faithfulness. Now, notice I did not say perfection, which is what I am wrongfully demanding of myself. Only in Christ are our efforts, our lives, our hearts made perfect.

This verse in Nehemiah has struck me once again with how faithful God is. If only I will go and be faithful, he promises to be there and fight for me. “Wherever you hear the trumpet sound” wherever I am asked to serve or to do a task, if I do it in God’s purpose, I don’t have to do it on my own strength.

I find such comfort such blessed assurance in this promise of God. If I am faithful to serve wherever he has called me, then I will not do it on my own strength. He will be right there with me! For these last three weeks of school I am called to be a servant leader as a resident assistant and to be an excellent student.

Come with me to where the trumpet sounds, OUR GOD WILL FIGHT FOR US!

amen.

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depravity

April 1st, 2011 by Carolyn

have you ever come face to face with your depravity? have you ever felt your heart being broken?

All I did was say “yes”.  and it felt like someone immediately grabbed a hold of my heart and began to squeeze. As it broken into pieces, I felt full of grief, like I was losing something. The reality is that I was. I was feeling was what I had been singing for years…

“break my heart for what breaks yours.”

Then instead of following Brooke Frasier’s lyrics, God did this phrase next…

“Heal my heart and make it clean.”

A little out of order, but hey, its God, not going to argue with Him about a minuscule technicality. Or is it?

First something must be broken, then it can heal. Something must be dirty for it to be cleaned. Tonight my heart reached its breaking point. Tonight my heart needed a “spring cleaning” if you will.

I am now staring my depravity in the face. I am now feeling like my heart has been shattered. Slowly, as God clears the dust and the broken pieces away, instead of the empty space I expected…I feel a new heart emerging. Tender, small, and throbbing with life, my heart aches. But there is joy. THERE IS JOY. Praise the Lord!

I challenge you to look your human depravity in the face. experience the brokenness, and most importantly experience the reversal of the brokenness, the renewal God so longs to work in your heart and the heart and lives of those around you.

amen.

 

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closer

March 21st, 2011 by Carolyn

Spring Break proved to be more chaotic and depressing then I could have imagined. I tend to approach problems with my feelings, and we all know that this is not the best approach. As a follower of Christ, my approach to conflict and opposition should be faith.

Both Sundays I was home, I attended my “home church” Brighton Assembly of God. I attended regularly since I was seven years old until I went off to university. The first Sunday, I didn’t even make it to the sermon before the Lord was politely knocking at my heart’s door to surrender my worry and despair to Him.

I have exhausted my connections to get a job this summer to secure financial stability in my life. I have six credits to finish after this semester to finish my degree. Instead of taking them here at SAU I am now looking at taking them online. This frees me to go wherever God may lead. It took me three months to get to this point. I am ready to follow Christ where ever he leads me.

That first altar call, Pastor Trask invited those to come forward who were struggling with a situation in where they didn’t have an answer and were facing a big decision. That was, and is my situation. The second Sunday, Pastor Trask spoke directly on the topic of faith in the face of impossible circumstances. I was gently reminded that my God is way bigger than anything I can ever face. He is in control, He has the answers. I now understand that this is a test. The only question is: Do you trust me?

YES. YES LORD! I DO!!! there. I did it. I said yes to Jesus, completely, no strings attached. I am now going to consult my situation with some spiritual mentors in my life, send my resume places, pray until my knees give out, and wait upon the Lord for a direction, an answer. He will provide, just like he has so much in the past.

the text Pastor Trask used was the parable of the feeding of the five-thousand.

Matthew 14:13-21 and also Psalm 51:17, and Psalm 121:1-2

Cherish the value of brokenness. I recently watched the Passion of the Christ, and these verses in the Psalms speak to me about the value of brokenness.

I now understand that this “test” was a wake up call. God is calling me unto himself, drawing me nearer to Him. He is preparing me to be an authentic leader of worship, a warrior for the Kingdom of God. I am overwhelmed and in awe of his provision, his compassion and his grace.

I must have faith. I must have a faith that is child-like, completely trusting, worry free, and completely in love with Jesus Christ. I am so blessed to have been at SAU for four years. The Lord has strengthened me, matured me, and prepared me to go out, and serve him in whatever I do for the rest of my life. I am excited to be such a servant. I am excited that I am called by the creator of the universe to come, come closer, rest and be renewed. What a beautiful, awe striking concept that I am a member of the Body of Christ who is the Bride of Christ. O how I long to sit at his feet, and be renewed. Yet, I want to jump and shout and proclaim the goodness of the Lord.

I have faith. I am drawing nearer to you O Lord. I love you. AMEN.

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staying in love

January 10th, 2011 by Carolyn

Lately I have been watching movies that feature people falling out of love. Why does this happen? Why as humans do we get bored with our spouses and take for granted their presence? Where does the love go?

I am not sure, as I have not experienced this myself. I have only just fallen in love. I am probably fooling myself. I will probably find myself at 32, married, and taking my husband for granted. I desperately do not want that to happen.

Someone told me once that if you want something to come true, you must not say, “I will not” instead you must say, “I will.” so. let’s try it. I am going to let go, “I will not fall out of love with Zachariah.” instead I will believe and hold on to this.

“I will love the Lord with all my heart mind and strength. I will love Zachariah.”

I like that much better.

I have a sneaky suspicion that if I remain in love with God, I will be more able to remain in love with my beloved Zachariah. To stay in love with God, I must not only have relationship, I must have fellowship. Think about it, the more time you spend with someone or even something, the more you get to know them. The cool thing about spending time with God is that the more time you spend with him, the more you know about him and also yourself.

Coincidently, I am assigned an essay on “love”. A pretty ambiguous topic if you ask me. I guess its a good thing that the C.S. Lewis, “The four loves” book has been assigned to read as well.

this week will be full of rehearsal, a book on love, and an essay to make it all makes sense. Here we go!

xoxo carolyn marie

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new

January 7th, 2011 by Carolyn

welcome to a new year, a new term, and a new class. ugh. I am enrolled in COR 400: Christian in the Contemporary World. At first I was looking forward to these class periods, thinking that class discussion would be a refreshing change from the solitude of Christmas Break. I am beginning to think I was horribly wrong. Its nice to be back in the classroom, but I wish discussion was deeper, and I didn’t feel like class time wasn’t such a waste of my time.

The only thing I am enjoying right now about J-term is the musical. We have had two rehearsals, and I have enjoyed both of them. I am slowly learning an irish brogue, and I am falling in love with the character of Mrs. Paroo. She is a compassionate, kind woman who had gone through a time of grieving, due to the loss of her husband. She is struggling to keep Winthrop from becoming marginalized, and is elated when Professor Hill shows him exceptional kindness and inclusiveness. Throughout the play, she becomes more joyous, her joy becoming contagious to Marian who lets her hope be renewed at Professor Hill’s proposal.

Here’s crossing my fingers that we have relevant discussion today in class. So far it seems to be a just a ungranted wish…

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emmanuel

December 25th, 2010 by Carolyn

this night we celebrate emmanuel, God with us.

O Come O Come Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel

who mourns in lonely exile, until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel

O Come O Come Emmanuel is my favorite Christmas Carol. I love the anticipat

ion, and the hope embodied in the lyrics. The Carol is also ridiculously enjoyable to sing. The haunting melody, the challenging long phrases, the soaring refrain make it

a joy to partake. Singing for me is a joy. This song is definitely that.

Tonight during the Christmas Eve service, I found myself terribly homesick. I would never tell my parents that out loud. I missed my “family” at my “home”. I miss Zachariah so much. He brings such joy, such love into my life. I miss him terribly. We get to talk once a day, that is nice, but since physical touch is one of my primary love la

nguages, im running low. extremely low. I need physical touch. I am not sure my parents have ever understood that. I am just praying, pretty selfishly actually, for the Lord to fill me, to touch me with is love, to make him enough for me at this moment. I am just so empty. It also doesn’t help that I have dealt with Kevin and Jacqui being together constantly all week. It wears on you after a while. They are great together and she is a wonderful beautiful girl. It just becomes too much when I am the only person in the room without someone who loves me physically like that. *sigh*

Mom gently reminded me that I need to be okay on my own. Or Zachariah is going to leave me. It was harsh. But in a way she is right. I would say I am okay on my own. I just haven’t seen my SIGNIFICANT OTHER in a week. Its rough. I’m sure Aunt Teresa feels this way ALL THE TIME. I commend her for doing it. Yet again, she is having surgery for being high stressed constantly. I wonder why that is. Without Uncle Steve at home, she is probably a mess! We need a companion, or at least I do. Some people can live alone. I know that I cannot. Living alone in a room at school has wore on me. Even surrounded by 26 other girls, I still feel very alone at times.

Anyway, enough of my stress, my emotions. Jesus came, took on flesh and dwelt among us. I know he has felt the loneliness, the emptiness, that I feel at this very moment that I am typing this. He has been where I am. Okay so he hasn’t been a woman separated from her love for a week’s time, but He has felt the way I do right now. I know it. This past semester we took a journey through The Stations of the Cross. I loved this. I wept the entire time. I couldn’t help myself. I finally understood the phrase “took on flesh and dwelt among us.” When I told Pastor Kerry that I finally “got it” he came back with, “well don’t you listen, I have preached on that very topic.” I thought to myself, “No, Kerry. You missed it. Way to ruin my epiphany. You can TELL me that Jesus has felt everything I feel, but its another thing to experience it WITH Him on the Via Dolorosa. (The road Jesus took to be crucified). To think that Jesus went to calvary, he wasn’t forced, but he went there of his own accord. He took that journey, filled with our human emotion, torment and grief, and died for my sins.

This night we celebrate, we remember emmanuel. I believe that this night is a chance to make a line in the sand and say, “The Cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back, no turning back.” Its a chance to change, to rededicate ourselves to the person of Jesus Christ, to his service, to his purpose and his power.

Lord,

I surrender everything I am, want, need and desire. I want to be yours and yours alone. Thank you for coming to Earth, born as a babe, humble and helpless, then going to calvary of your own accord, dying for my sins, gifting me with eternity with the father, and a glorious personal relationship with you. I am so grateful. Help me to be faithful to these words my heart has sung to you this night. I love you.

In Jesus’ wonder and mighty name,

AMEN!

the Lord be with you! Merry Christmas!

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rediscovered

December 23rd, 2010 by Carolyn

Have you ever discovered something wonderful, then for some reason the magic faded? I wonder if its just human nature to take things and even people for granted if they are in our lives too much. Sometimes I think I take God for granted so much because at SAU he just seems so present, so accessible. That is not an excuse. I believe to be my reality. God has always seemed so accessible to me.

I have rediscovered a few things this week, even just today. I rediscovered that I have all three JJ Heller albums on my iTunes. So I burned them to discs for my mother. She loves to listen to CDs in the car. I made her a small collect of albums that are uplifting and beautiful. Phil Wickham, Hillsong, JJ Heller and a few others.

I also got to rediscover a relationship with Becca. She is a vocal performance major at Grand Valley State. We have always had tons in common, which did lead to conflict, but now I think it is leading to strength, empathy and support. I am so blessed by her friendship. I am thankful that God has brought us together again. I am excited to see where he takes us next!

I have also rediscovered my love language of giving gifts. I love to create things, and when I am able to put a creative, thoughtful touch on something, I get a warm fuzzy feeling that settles deep within my spirit, not a fleeting one in my heart. Its a satisfaction of giving a piece of myself away to someone else, to brighten their spirits and encourage their hearts.

Christmas is only two days away! I have to get wrapping. Excuse the mess. Here we go!

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sabbath

December 22nd, 2010 by Carolyn

At the beginning of fall term, I read a book entitled, “Mudhouse Sabbath” by Lauren F. Winner. The book recounts her journey from the Jewish tradition to living a life as a Christ follower. She explores the way Christians seem to disregard the Sabbath, when Sabbath is an integral part of Jewish life. The entire work week is spend preparing for the Sabbath.

As the semester progressed, I began to realize that the preparation was just as important as the sacrifice of time. Without the proper preparation, when sundown Saturday came, so did panic and stress, the very thing I sought to decrease by taking the Sabbath in the first place.

So the shift in priority and vision came next. my priorities began to materialize in honoring God with my studies, and mostly I just became intentional with time. The day is never any longer or shorter. Always 24 hours. It was up to me to take that gift and spend it according to the purpose of God in my life. For instance. Today I know I should have gotten up earlier and wrapped a couple of presents. Currently, I am sitting in Barnes&Noble, awaiting an exciting reunion with a dear friend. We both have been through a lot since we last saw one another. It shall be a delightful adventure to get to know her again.

I did manage to get a little bit done on memorizing my lines for music man this week. I still have a long way to go. I need to learn an Irish Brogue ASAP. Mrs. Paroo is Marian’s “Irish Mother” after all :) Overall being home has been nice. I miss Zachariah oh so much. And I am working through listening to God deeper than I have ever before. Confused. Shocked, was how I started off break. Now I am beginning to embrace this new twist, this new opportunity for adventure. Its time I completely trust God with everything I am and have.

Christmas happens to fall on my usual Sabbath. I am unsure how to negotiate Sabbath while on break, honestly i feel like im on two weeks Sabbatical. I am trying to keep busy, cleaning the house, memorizing lines, stretching, working out, talking on the phone to Zachariah, visiting friends and family. Maybe I need to take a day next week to be still before the Lord. That is what I will do. I will take an afternoon and just be still before him. What a wonderful thing.

This sunday I think I am serving again on the worship team. I should ask Carrie to be sure. I will have to borrow Mom’s Escape again. I miss henry a lot. I love my car, even if he is broken! Hopefully I get him back when I go back to SAU. Having a car on campus is a luxury, but I do enjoy it :)

well, I am going to write a bit and wait for Becca to get here. Its a little weird not having a coffee in my hand right now, but I figured it was polite to wait. And its fun to wait in line and to see what each person orders. Until next time dear friends, the Lord be with you.

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let go

December 4th, 2010 by Carolyn

girls night in. complete success! Five of my beautiful residents graced my room with their amazing presence for a wonderful girls night in. This entire week I have been slowly gathering items to make this event possible. Foot soak, nail colour, nail polish remover, face masque, sparkling pomegranate lemonade, dark chocolate, and a movie. A stress escape from our busy last three weeks of the semester. I have tons to do, but I am so blessed by these women I have the privilege to serve.

We watched the movie, “The Holiday”, painted nails, chit-chatted, and just were girls. I thoroughly enjoy nights like this. Maybe I should have them more often. I may have some of these when I go home. I would love to invite Becca over for a night of movie watching and girl talk.

now I must go upstairs to print of some chords for tomorrow’s service. oh the joys of being a worship leader! enjoy the second week of Advent, the week of Love.

ps. the title “let go” is inspired by my favorite song in the movie soundrack, “let go” by Frou Frou. enjoy!

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